I’m afraid that if you’ve clicked on this post to find an answer to the ever-present dilemma ‘How do I adult?’ I’m sorry to say that you won’t find much help here because I’m just as stumped as you. To be completely honest, I don’t know if anyone will ever fully know how to adult. However! In saying all this I do think that having a certain mindset when facing challenges can be really helpful so I just wanted to express some of my thoughts on this.
Keep in mind that I am only 19 and so I do not have a lifetime of experience but in saying that I have dealt with a lot of ‘adult things’ ahead of my age so I guess in a sense I have a more mature outlook on some things (I can already hear my friends laughing at the fact I just called myself mature).
So before I sidetrack myself anymore, here are some little tips I use that have helped me with all the things life has thrown at me so far:
You are allowed to ask for help
I feel like this has been the most valuable thing for me to remember and put into practice. Now, if you’re anything like me you may not want to bother other people with your problems or feel like because you are an adult you need to figure things out for yourself. Please don’t isolate yourself like this! The amount of stress I would put on myself for not being able to budget or not knowing how to cook a wholesome meal or feeling like I didn’t have enough time to see friends because I had to work to pay rent when all these things are things we are not always taught to do. My dad ended up sitting me down and telling me that I could come to him for advice, that I could talk to my grandma for cooking tips and that if I expressed to my friends that I missed seeing them but was very busy they would find ways to support me. Since then, life has felt a whole lot less stressful because I seek out help where I need it. There is nothing wrong with trying to do things alone but if it gets to the point where it stops you from enjoying life then it’s probably time to call on a friend. It doesn’t make you any less of an adult, why do you think humans lived in tribes? We naturally work in groups!
Be flexible (or at least be prepared to compromise)
As I mention earlier, I moved out this year at age 19 and with that I gained a lot but also had to compromise a ton. I had all these plans for my new home, I wanted there to be a colour scheme, I wanted to make my garden nice, I wanted so many things to be perfect. But when you are just starting out it won’t always be perfect right away and I think when you set unrealistic goals like wanting your first home to look like it came out of a magazine can set you up for disappointment. I learnt quickly that while everything may not be as I exactly want I know that with time I can work towards that bigger goal, it’s easy to get used to having things straight away when you didn’t have to pay for any of it. Being an adult sometimes means understanding the saying ‘patience is a virtue’ (I used to roll my eyes at that and now here I am using it).
Allow yourself to have fun
Just because you are now legally classified as an adult it doesn’t mean you have to stop having ‘child-like’ fun! I still invite my friends over to play board games, I still play video games, I still play on playgrounds (when I fit), I still do things I loved from when I was a kid because they still bring me joy. I even have the second star to the right tattooed on my ankle to remind me to never forget to release my inner child. I remember taking my boyfriend, who is a little older than me, to an indoor pool and begging him to come with me on the playground part because it was ‘for kids’ (there was no sign saying we couldn’t use it) and then after playing on it for awhile he was the one begging not to leave!
Mental illness is common
I am not trying to normalise mental illness by any means but I’ve found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness (if not themselves) and as upsetting as that fact is, it’s the world we live in at the moment. Now, I don’t have any mental illness right now but that’s not to say I will never have any, it just means that right now in my life I’m that annoyingly optimistic person who can’t help but try and help others. I’d like to point out that there is nothing wrong with being optimistic even if a lot of people around you have mental illnesses but I will caution to be mindful of moods and to never say ‘oh just cheer up’ or ‘i can see the bright side why can’t you?’ because if it were that easy there wouldn’t be this big issue with mental illness and all the stigma and eegh!
In my life, pretty much all the people I am super close to, have a mental illness of some sort and to varying degrees from those who self-harm to those who just isolate themselves because they feel shit. This sucks. When people you love are suffering because of their own minds it hurts to see and can sometimes bog you down too. So, if you’re like me and just want to support and be there for everyone, please remember to put yourself first and look after your own health too. For me, that has meant booking in to see a psychologist even though I don’t suffer from a mental illness. This is so I can learn coping strategies for when everyone’s sadness makes me feel helpless and to make sure that under that added pressure I don’t end up developing a mental illness of my own. As an adult, you will probably see more and more people having a mental illness but the thing to remember is that while fixes aren’t instant in many cases, you can still have an impact by showing your support and by looking after your own health too.
Those were the main ones that I think have helped me the most, although I’m sure that I’ll be able to add more in a few years time. You never really stop learning so I’ll make sure to post any other tips I come up with and if you have any tips on ‘how to adult’ please comment them below so we can help each other.
Cheers,
A4Paige
A4 Paige 