I’m afraid that if you’ve clicked on this post to find an answer to the ever-present dilemma ‘How do I adult?’ I’m sorry to say that you won’t find much help here because I’m just as stumped as you. To be completely honest, I don’t know if anyone will ever fully know how to adult. However! In saying all this I do think that having a certain mindset when facing challenges can be really helpful so I just wanted to express some of my thoughts on this.
Keep in mind that I am only 19 and so I do not have a lifetime of experience but in saying that I have dealt with a lot of ‘adult things’ ahead of my age so I guess in a sense I have a more mature outlook on some things (I can already hear my friends laughing at the fact I just called myself mature).
So before I sidetrack myself anymore, here are some little tips I use that have helped me with all the things life has thrown at me so far:
You are allowed to ask for help
I feel like this has been the most valuable thing for me to remember and put into practice. Now, if you’re anything like me you may not want to bother other people with your problems or feel like because you are an adult you need to figure things out for yourself. Please don’t isolate yourself like this! The amount of stress I would put on myself for not being able to budget or not knowing how to cook a wholesome meal or feeling like I didn’t have enough time to see friends because I had to work to pay rent when all these things are things we are not always taught to do. My dad ended up sitting me down and telling me that I could come to him for advice, that I could talk to my grandma for cooking tips and that if I expressed to my friends that I missed seeing them but was very busy they would find ways to support me. Since then, life has felt a whole lot less stressful because I seek out help where I need it. There is nothing wrong with trying to do things alone but if it gets to the point where it stops you from enjoying life then it’s probably time to call on a friend. It doesn’t make you any less of an adult, why do you think humans lived in tribes? We naturally work in groups!
Be flexible (or at least be prepared to compromise)
As I mention earlier, I moved out this year at age 19 and with that I gained a lot but also had to compromise a ton. I had all these plans for my new home, I wanted there to be a colour scheme, I wanted to make my garden nice, I wanted so many things to be perfect. But when you are just starting out it won’t always be perfect right away and I think when you set unrealistic goals like wanting your first home to look like it came out of a magazine can set you up for disappointment. I learnt quickly that while everything may not be as I exactly want I know that with time I can work towards that bigger goal, it’s easy to get used to having things straight away when you didn’t have to pay for any of it. Being an adult sometimes means understanding the saying ‘patience is a virtue’ (I used to roll my eyes at that and now here I am using it).
Allow yourself to have fun
Just because you are now legally classified as an adult it doesn’t mean you have to stop having ‘child-like’ fun! I still invite my friends over to play board games, I still play video games, I still play on playgrounds (when I fit), I still do things I loved from when I was a kid because they still bring me joy. I even have the second star to the right tattooed on my ankle to remind me to never forget to release my inner child. I remember taking my boyfriend, who is a little older than me, to an indoor pool and begging him to come with me on the playground part because it was ‘for kids’ (there was no sign saying we couldn’t use it) and then after playing on it for awhile he was the one begging not to leave!
Mental illness is common
I am not trying to normalise mental illness by any means but I’ve found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness (if not themselves) and as upsetting as that fact is, it’s the world we live in at the moment. Now, I don’t have any mental illness right now but that’s not to say I will never have any, it just means that right now in my life I’m that annoyingly optimistic person who can’t help but try and help others. I’d like to point out that there is nothing wrong with being optimistic even if a lot of people around you have mental illnesses but I will caution to be mindful of moods and to never say ‘oh just cheer up’ or ‘i can see the bright side why can’t you?’ because if it were that easy there wouldn’t be this big issue with mental illness and all the stigma and eegh!
In my life, pretty much all the people I am super close to, have a mental illness of some sort and to varying degrees from those who self-harm to those who just isolate themselves because they feel shit. This sucks. When people you love are suffering because of their own minds it hurts to see and can sometimes bog you down too. So, if you’re like me and just want to support and be there for everyone, please remember to put yourself first and look after your own health too. For me, that has meant booking in to see a psychologist even though I don’t suffer from a mental illness. This is so I can learn coping strategies for when everyone’s sadness makes me feel helpless and to make sure that under that added pressure I don’t end up developing a mental illness of my own. As an adult, you will probably see more and more people having a mental illness but the thing to remember is that while fixes aren’t instant in many cases, you can still have an impact by showing your support and by looking after your own health too.
Those were the main ones that I think have helped me the most, although I’m sure that I’ll be able to add more in a few years time. You never really stop learning so I’ll make sure to post any other tips I come up with and if you have any tips on ‘how to adult’ please comment them below so we can help each other.
Cheers,
A4Paige
A4 Paige 
Paige, having to grow up sooner than normal (we could debate what is normal) means in many cases if you allow it that you will always be a kid at heart. The question of being Adult is more about life experiences and learning to make complicated decisions or plan in a more regular manner. We tend to think about the bigger picture rather than just ourselves. I say all this with a desired outcome not how many adults are and not that as adults you wont make mistakes. If you like as an adult you make a decision thinking a few steps ahead like planning dominoes and how they will fall.
I myself have worried about the impact of family units breaking apart and its impact and cause and affect over time, this does not just relate to divorce, but distance, self interest and many other factors that impacts the core around people. It even goes to the issue of faith and not so much faith as religion but more the core of people working together as one. The common belief and even people taking responsibility for their actions. Technology can be blamed however it is people’s choice, the act of an individual forgetting about the impact and flow on effect to other people. Your problem is not unique to now more its been building over generations and we see glimmers of hope in disaster and realisation in great illness, yet unfortunately, not sustained.
We as the current generation of parents storm out to be better than our parents yet fail many times to acknowledge the same act with the right intent is sometimes better to hold onto rather than throw away because we had a bad experience or ‘we know better’. Progression is moving forward taking with us the experiences of the past, assessing and learning, with this some things give us a different view of why something happened rather than how we felt as kids at the time. Its why we can do something in the future that reminds us of our parents.
Planning is important and as you see flexibility is required, this doesn’t necessarily change your end result more the plan sets the sails and the application adjusts the rudder along the way while the time expectations tend to be the biggest thing we get stuck on. If you like the strength of the wind is all the other factors and occurrences along the way.
In terms of mental illness/ vast array of life issues, stress is the biggest factor. The loss of the family unit, faith and the enormous amount of cause and affect issues not just localised but globally occurring are having so much impact and duplication its alarming. The issues then become individual as to how coping occurs, taking responsibility or not for actions, seeking support or not. Again we could blame technology for early exposure to adult issues, however that then absolves adults of any responsibility. Stress also rears itself in other sicknesses such as cancer and other problems, even ones that reject family and people working together, seeking escape to alcohol, drugs and other activities to avoid dealing with the issue. This is not to say people deserve these problems, it to understand why and what has changed. Also its not to say this was not a problem in prior generations, in some ways it was concealed, less understood however certainly there was more and bigger families that tended to work together and relied on each other for survival. It comes back to the issue we are so much seeking to be one in an individual rather than be one as a unit. I know this might seem like a simplistic view, however you need to break it down into an overview and then drill down each individual case to address what were the factors that sent things askew.
As a parent i have tried my best to show you fun, to be a kid and to make the best decisions with the right intent. Honesty also plays a big part so that we have a dialogue that helps guide through situations. Like me in time you will give advice that people choose not to listen to, only for you to know the result, however that is their learning experience. Through the skills i have learnt both personally and from others, i pass onto you to make it easier or provide the coping skills either by preparation or knowing your not alone.
To all this Paige you are an adult, never forget to be a kid and do the right thing by others and you will go along way. Maybe just maybe you can make a difference and help others along the way – set a target of 10 people in your lifetime, once you reach that just keep going. If you set that target to change the world then that will seem unreachable.
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