It’s both weird and not weird that I’m no longer a high school student. I feel like I’m in this in-between stage where I don’t feel old enough to have a full-time job but I don’t feel young enough to be back in year 12 again.
What spurred me to have this train of thought was one of those Facebook memories. It was a picture of me a year ago ready to do my Drama solo…and I was like ‘holy crap there are people right now in the middle of that!’ and it’s so strange not being one of them. I suppose not being in university is making me feel this even more but I feel as though I should study for something or at least be stressing about not studying and I’m not.
I have a lot of friends who are still doing high school (a lot doing year 12) so I’m getting all the updates on my social media and I’m just weirded out by it. Maybe because to me they are little babies and I haven’t accepted that they’ve grown yet. Maybe it’s also because it used to be so familiar to be in that ‘student mode’ that now I feel excluded?
Am I saying I miss high school? I think I do in terms of feeling like I was working towards something concrete and also the feelings of accomplishment I’d get working though tests. But it’s also making me not miss it because I remember the stress I felt and how much I longed to be doing only the things that were relevant. So I’m super torn with my feelings here.
A realisation I’ve had is that I’m very excited to go back to learning. If all goes to plan I’ll be back in a full-time course next year but this time doing theatre. I am definitely a learner; I love researching, I find studying calming, and when it’s something I’m passionate about I always have to know more. So maybe that’s what I’m really missing. The learning aspect and feeling like I’m growing smarter each day.
There wasn’t a point to this post but I don’t think there needed to be…it’s just nice to do a brain dump and get what I’m thinking about down into words. Who knows? maybe someone out there relates to this and it comforts them to know that I am the same. Either way, it’s tough moving on from what is comfortable but I’m pretty excited to jump into the unknown.